By her I mean myself, I have to get back, everything is so murky right now. So scary, so upsetting, so frustrating. I've never been this gone, I've never really been gone... that probably doens't help. Realizing I've never really had to work for anything ever used to be something I was so proud of. I'd think "Oh, I guess I just dont have to work very hard in life, good things just always happen to me." Everything ALWAYS worked out. I'm not regretting that, because I wouldn't have been able to deal then either but It's just a lot to take in. By no means am I saying that I've never had to work hard or have struggles would be a lie, but nothing that really made me step back and take a really hard look.
Hearing (over and over again, from EVERYBODY) "You have this problem, and you are the only one who can fix it or make it any better!" is not what anybody wants to hear, but it's not about what I want anymore, except me wanting to get better, I need too. I need to do this so I can have life back to the way it was and not hate myself so much.
I was to wake up tomorrow and be like "Damn, that was a bad dream!" and I think I have been telling myself that is going to happen... can we arrange an appointment for someone to slap me across the face? I've been thinking it will all just go away, and it wont... I actually have to work at something I have no experience in and that scares the shit out of me.
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